Relationship Trauma
Relationship Trauma Therapy in Los Altos, CA
Insight-oriented, structured therapy for the patterns that show up in close relationships — especially the ones you can see but can't seem to change.
Book a free consultWhat relationship trauma looks like
Relationship trauma doesn't always look like what people expect. It's not always a single dramatic event. Often it's a pattern — the accumulated effect of inconsistent caregiving, emotional unavailability, harsh criticism, betrayal, or dynamics in early relationships that taught you something about yourself and what to expect from others.
Those early lessons often run quietly in the background — shaping how you attach, how you react under stress, and what you believe you deserve in relationships.
Attachment wounds
Anxious attachment, avoidant patterns, or a push-pull dynamic in close relationships that you can see but can't stop.
Repeating patterns
Finding yourself in the same dynamic with different people — different names, same roles, same outcomes.
Emotional shutdown
Numbness, disconnection, or difficulty accessing or expressing emotions in relationships where you want to be present.
Hypervigilance
Reading rooms, bracing for conflict, difficulty trusting that closeness is safe — even when there's no current threat.
How this differs from general trauma therapy
General trauma therapy often targets a specific event — what happened, when, the sensory details. Relationship trauma therapy focuses on the relational context: what the experience meant, what it taught you about yourself and others, and how those lessons show up in your relationships today.
This requires looking at patterns across time and relationships — not just one incident. It also requires working with the body and nervous system, not just narrative. I integrate attachment theory, trauma-informed approaches, and EMDR where appropriate to address this at multiple levels.
The approach
We start by making the pattern visible. I use simple frameworks and psychoeducation — not jargon — to help you see what's happening and why it makes sense given your history. Understanding the pattern is usually the first thing that loosens its grip.
From there, we work to change the pattern — which means working with the underlying beliefs, the nervous system responses, and the relational dynamics that sustain it. This is slower work than symptom management, but it's the kind of change that holds.
"We look beneath the surface to identify patterns, make them visible, and understand how past experiences shape current reactions."